Well, I've been stuck in a bit of a rut lately...mentally, emotionally, phsyically and spiritually, as well. Not that there haven't been some very bright moments in my life lately (visit to GA for a family reunion!), but I've been finding it easier and easier to wallow in doubt and self-pity. I've felt pretty stressed about my current life situation--job, location, purpose--but when I sit down to pinpoint the reasons, nothing turns up.
There are so many reasons to be thankful:- I am living in a beautiful home in a beautiful city (at least for now...winter gets pretty bad)
- I have a wonderful husband who listens to my complaints and is (for the most part) supportive
- I have a job that I don't hate, that pays fairly well
- I am young and healthy
- I have a loving, supportive family (on both sides)
- I have access to technology that allows me to complete my work, communicate with those I love and become more knowledgeable about the world around me
- I have the capability to create on a daily basis and the means to do so...
So what gives?Well, here are some things that have been stressing me out lately:
- Not feeling fulfilled by our church-going experience
It's been so hard to find a good (conservative) church in the city! We found one that we thought was promising, but has turned out to be a bit of a dud. After so many visits, I'm having a hard time convincing DH that we may need to search farther abroad...
- Questioning my purpose/career for the next couple years:
There are a lot of things that I enjoy doing: mainly things that involve creating and being artistic (painting, graphic design, photography, interior design...the list goes on). But I feel as though I am only mediocre at most of those things. So, my question to myself is, what am I meant to do with these passions/unfulfilled talents? Which one am I supposed to pursue (if any)? When and how am I supposed to pursue them? I know there is no better time than the present, but it is almost as though I am afraid to pick one path and then be forced to stick to it. I am paralyzed by the prospect of failure...and embarrassed that I am so doubtful about fulfilling my God-given potential when I see so many around me doing just that. This is a daily struggle.
- Missing my home, family, past...
Sometimes I feel way too young to be living in a big city, far away from the home/city where I grew up, miles away from the friends I knew, struggling to make some sort of connection with my current locale and failing. Is this how most 22-almost-23-year-olds feel about life? Everything is so unfamiliar and, while sometimes exciting, not "safe" (in the mental/emotional way). I feel bad sometimes that I can't make myself like the place that my husband so enjoys. And they say that "home is where the heart is", but what if your heart is divided? I never realized until moving here (Chicago) that I was so connected to the place where I grew up. And even the place I went to college! It's funny how just one connection in such a big city isn't always enough to make it a great place.
I am cataloguing these things more as a reminder of what I am to be grateful for, rather than reasons to continue moping, but I am also hoping for a little encouragement. Any suggestions are welcome! Especially stories...and successes. I'm sure someone else has been where I am...right?
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Comments (3)
((((Hugs))))
Oh, oh, you should write your Patrick story! Writing always helps me with ruts.
I feel you sister... one hundred percent. you are the other half of my heart, i swear.